With over 20 million Snuggies sold, you would naturally expect a few customer complaints. However, we like to think that neither Snuggie nor Wikipedia should be held responsible for the actions of one bad customer.
The following is 1 part true story—99 parts overactive imagination on our part. However, the “name’ has not been changed to protect the innocent—frankly we don’t feel this guy warrants protection. If you don’t care to know the real identity of the person in this story, just substitute the name “Bob” every time you see the name “Keith.”
Our story begins on October 30, 2010, when a gentleman named Keith became frustrated with his lack of hunting skills. Four dear hunting seasons had come and gone and Keith had no antlers on display above his mantle; serving as a sign to his friends that he indeed was an alpha male.
Keith’s friends and fellow hunting buddies ridiculed him endlessly about his continued dear hunting drought. (It's conjecture on our part, but even if Keith was a good hunter, we believe his friends would have refocused their jokes on his countless other flaws.) As many hunters do, Keith bought pheromone spray, new equipment, gave up bathing...and just about every other trick to ensure a successful hunting season.
Three weeks into the hunting season number five and 34 hours in a tree stand, Keith felt the pressure of another season coming and going without a prize "buck." He decided to go all out and sold his last case of Budweiser cans on Craigslist for $19.95. With the proceeds, he made one final purchase—a camouflage Snuggie. Note: he still owes his mom $7.95 for the P&H which he failed to factor into the total cost.
Now we applaud all those who purchase this wondrous snuggle blanket that dedicates every last cotton fiber to keeping our hands free while still maintaining our core body temperature. But for Keith, he didn't buy the camo Snuggie thinking it would help him blend into the surroundings; he thought it would make him invisible—yes, we said “invisible.”
You see it all started when Keith decided to read Wikipedia from cover-to-cover. One evening he came across the "Camouflage" Wiki page where it read, "Camouflage…allows an otherwise visible organism or object to remain indiscernible from the surrounding environment through deception."
The problems for Keith stemmed from the fact that Keith thought "indiscernible" was a fancy word for "invisible.” Prior to exploring the depths of Wikipedia, Keith always thought that invisible powers were limited to characters in Harry Potter books. But despite his confusion, he had formed a bond with Wikipedia that was not to be broken. And if “Wik” as he likes to call it , states something as fact, then so shall it be.
Like a kid who gets a care package at summer camp, Keith wasted no time opening the package on the day it arrived and he quickly ensconced himself in the multicolor green fleece blanket. It was at this point we believe that Keith erased those childhood memories of getting picked last for every schoolyard game and replace them with delusions of grandeur.
So with his multi-colored green Harry Potter-like cloak, he decided to test his new “stealth” powers by sneaking into his neighbor’s house. The first sign of trouble for this man-child happened just seconds upon opening his neighbor’s front door. "Hey Keith, what brings you over here?" asked the neighbor as Keith stood in the foyer.
Although the average person (or even below-average person) would have realized something was wrong, Keith thought maybe his neighbor was talking to himself. When asked later, Keith said, "I knew I was invisible, so [my neighbor] couldn't have been talking to me. Although it did appear that my neighbor was looking directly at me when he asked what I was doing?”
The ever-determined Keith decided to continue his stealth mission and walked into the living room where he sat down on the couch. Always thinking ahead, Keith realized that if he sat down on the couch, his neighbor might notice the indentation in the couch, so he decided to lie down across all three seat cushions, thus his body weight would be evenly distributed and his presence would remain undetected.
Unfortunately only moments after Keith positioned himself on the couch just right, he was forced to abort the mission do to bad “intel.” Keith had forgotten about the neighbor's dog “Princess” that too had a Snuggie in its arsenal. When Princess entered the room and noticed Keith, it started growling and nipping at him. After assessing the situation for approximately 15 minutes, Keith determined that one invisible “thing," in this case, "Princess" and her Snuggie must be able to see other invisible “things.”
As Keith tried to thwart the efforts of this 8lb, highly-trained attack dog, as it tried to disrobe him—he quickly realized it was a battle that just couldn’t be won. Keith’s neighbor came into the room after hearing the commotion, only to find Keith in the corner, curled in the fetal position.
When asked his neighbor said that all he could here was Keith repeating, "I trusted [Wikipedia]. You let me down 'Wik'! From now on, I'm only going to trust the Encyclopedias my mom gave me when I was twelve."
Keith’s first day with a Snuggie was also his last day with a Snuggie—he claims his mom washed it and it can’t be found, but sources close to the story believe the neighbor’s dog won’t give it back. In addition, his mom has told us that he also gave up hunting and reading Wikipedia.
So is Wikipedia always right? We say “yes” but we answer that question based on the assumption that people understand the multisyllabic words often found on the site—which was a challenge Keith was unable to overcome.
Keith's current wherabouts are unknown, however, speculation is that he is training for the "Donkey Kong Challenge" to be held in San Diego in 2016. Where ever this intellectually challenged man-child is, he will always hold a special place in our hearts.